with all humility and gentleness, with patience, putting up with one another in love,
This is a loaded list of virtues. And it starts with humility, and then there is gentleness, and what about putting up with one another in love? When combined with the next verse, these are essential components of keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Simply: We are already one in Christ, so let that oneness play out, let it be a controlling factor. But that will only be in accordance with certain guidelines.
Can we prioritize humility? What about gentleness?
With humility, that means it is not about ensuring I am right and taking the first position.
With gentleness, I am being very considerate in my demeanor, not abrasive.
Patience is about giving other people time.
And it seems that without humility and patience, we would not be able to put up with one another.
Humility is inwardly directed (how you view yourself in relation to others), and patience is outwardly directed (how you view others in relation to yourself).
Humility is about the consideration of myself, meaning I have a low consideration of myself, and patience is consideration of others, putting their needs, weaknesses and limitations into account and not being blinded by my own sense of self, my own need for self-preservation, my own priorities.
Gentleness is reflected in the tone of your voice.
And there is that word love.
Love is outwardly flowing. When someone asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" in a discussion about love, he told the story of the Samaritan traveler (Luke 10:25–37).
As you can see, this is getting practical really fast, and it is getting into the weeds of how we live our lives, how we prioritize others over ourselves.
Paul had given us the big vision, the cosmic vision; now he is drilling into us the details of how we think about ourselves and others and how we interact with others.
And not running our own agenda but the Lord's agenda means other people are as important to God as ourselves, and allowing what God regards as important to color us and our relationships.
And I think putting up with one another is a big deal. It is a call to having a high tolerance level.
We should not tolerate intolerance in ourselves.
We need to watch ourselves like a hawk and be quick to apologize to others when we see the traits of impatience/pride/arrogance/abrasiveness in us, where we are quick to cut others off, raise our voice, seek our own way, push a supposed truth at the expense of unity, peace, and the bond of brotherhood.
We should follow Jesus’ advice to speak privately with someone about what we have against them, and to talk to them about their sin first (Matthew 18:15) (SITUATION A).
And when they have something against us, taking the initiative to address it directly (Matthew 5:23–24) (SITUATION B).
In both situations, we see humility, gentleness, patience, and putting up with one another in love at play.
SITUATION A
They are at play when you go to your brother to tell him about his fault. That takes a lot of patience, in my opinion.
You are not rushing to the tabloid, figuratively speaking, nor are you thinking it is beneath you to address the issue, putting your own convenience first and wanting to avoid the stress, which smells of pride.
You are not thinking of yourself, but rather of how bringing up the issue will benefit the other person, regardless of the possible backlash. That means love has to have a deep root in you, and your concern is not about yourself.
SITUATION B
They are at play when you bring up the issue when you are in the wrong, whether it is a small or big thing, and it is related to a big or small person.
In both cases, you are taking responsibility and taking the initiative. You are not saying the other person should do something; rather, you are doing something.
And remember, it is about “one another”: the “one” and “the other” share a spiritual relationship with the one Jesus and one Father. It is in the context of a special relationship you have.
Therefore, don't feel compelled to apply those principles to everyone in every situation, or to people you would consider outside the faith.
It can have severe negative consequences. This is not a conflict resolution that you are told to use in other kinds of relationships. So don't feel that you must do this in another context.
Remember, Jesus said he has not come to bring peace but a sword (Matthew 10:34). So sometimes we experience interpersonal conflict with close relatives because of Christ and others.
To think you should use the two principles above to deal with your persecutor is to be wrongheaded in my opinion.