And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
We read: Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger in verse 26.
Now we have: Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. Just as verse 26 is derived from an Old Testament passage (Zechariah 8:16), this focus verse is also from the Old Testament.
But they rebelled and offended his Holy Spirit,
so he turned into an enemy
and fought against them.
Some other versions have “grieved” for the “offended” in that passage, but the NET Bible chose to go with "offended," maybe because it is paired with the declaration of judgment: He turned into an enemy and fought against them.
But what follows the admonition not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God in this focus verse is the assurance of salvation, not the threat of judgment or of losing salvation.
Paul already explained how you had nothing to do with your salvation. If I did not have anything to do with getting it, I cannot have anything to do with losing it.
The one who gifted it is responsible for keeping it. Jesus said He will not lose anyone God has given him (John 6:39), except the one destined for destruction (John 17:12).
This is what Peter said about Judas, the one destined for destruction:
“Brothers, the scripture had to be fulfilled that the Holy Spirit foretold through David concerning Judas—who became the guide for those who arrested Jesus—
He is saying, like Jesus, that it is unusual. And I believe it is not something that should now be the basis for teaching that some people can lose their salvation.
Now this is the will of the one who sent me—that I should not lose one person of every one he has given me, but raise them all up at the last day. For this is the will of my Father—for everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him to have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”
It cannot be clearer than that.
I believe the word “grieve” is used in a relational sense, not a judgmental one.
And we can see the thread in this passage.
Speak the truth with other believers. (Ephesians 4:25)
Work so you can give to those in need among believers (Ephesians 4:28).
Don't speak bad things, but speak good things that can benefit others (Ephesians 4:29).
There is no threat of damnation; rather, we see encouragement. You are encouraged to prioritize close and harmonious relationships among believers.
And right in the middle of it, He mentioned the relationship with God, with the Holy Spirit of God.
But don't say I have nothing to worry about since my relationship with God is intact; this passage is saying a relationship with others, if not done right, can grieve the Holy Spirit.
The ultimate motivation is not to grieve the Holy Spirit because of his place in our lives.
But some behaviors cross the line into more dangerous territories.
Pay attention to these words further down in Ephesians.
But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints.
For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be sharers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live like children of light—
The danger, in my opinion, is when those things define you, meaning you revel in them, and it is something that you are not willing to repent of, being a sign of a hardened heart.
Paul in the passage we are on is saying you are different and should live differently.
But if you claim you are different and are still comfortable with immorality, impurity and greed, we have a problem.
Paul is choosing his words carefully (in both the passage we are on and the one where he mentioned forfeiting inheritance in the kingdom of God).
He has warning signs, a ring of red fire, so to speak, around specific sins (what would lead to not inheriting the kingdom of God), but guiding away (yellow sign?) away from certain character issues, as the current passage is full of.
He said some sins must not be among the believers.
Notice the word "must" in Ephesians 5:3; those are the things he said draw the wrath of God, and he does not want to offer false comfort to those in that red zone, because it would be a disservice to them.
While we preach grace and eternal salvation, we don't want to give false comfort to sinners; hence the persistent urge to live a new life.
What Paul did here is difficult. At the same time, he assures believers of salvation and warns against incurring God's wrath. Because of that difficulty, people can default to two positions. The first is that your bad sin does not matter, or the second is that every sin means you have to be born again. Neither of them is supported.