In verse 26, Paul uses the word "distress," in verse 27, he uses the word "grief," and here he uses the word "anxiety."

Remember that in this same book he said we should be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6). But here, apparently, he is not free from anxiety.

Paul was anxious of the effect of that church hearing that Epaphroditus was sick would have. He was so attached to the church that he could feel their anxiety. It was not his own anxiety, so to speak, rather the anxiety of the church. 

In another book, Paul talks about his attachment to the church. 

That is the strength of the bond with the church that God has wrought in Paul so that whatever affects others affects him. 

So what do some do? They reject that bonding because they know it is like a double-edged sword, where you feel the joy of others intensely, and the opposite is also true. You deeply feel the rejection of the people you have developed a deep bond with.   

What I am talking about is deep rooted love-bond of God himself. That is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18), seeing them as yourself.  

It is in that context that we can situate the sacrifice of Isaac (or the move to sacrifice him) by Abraham. In a way, Abraham was dying to himself. God asked Abraham to sacrifice that bond (Genesis 22:1-19). 

That is the whole point of not just caring about your own things but also about the things of others, doing things because it will benefit others (Philippians 2:3-4), and not because you are going to benefit from it. But in a way, you are benefiting from it because you have bonded with that person, and it's as if in that case, you are that person.

In the focus verse, Paul was not anxious about himself, rather he felt the anxiety of others and was anxious with them.

I want to mention the relationship of husband and wife and say that God gives sex as a means of bonding. But it cannot survive on its own. It cannot survive in the atmosphere of acrimony, etc, because it is both a means of bonding and the result of bonding.

That is why sex is not enough to keep a marriage together. You can have sex and not actually be present. That is "the prostitute" for you. People can go into "prostitute mode" just because the act is not coming from bonding and is not leading to bonding; there is a rejection of the other person in your heart (for whatever reason and even no reason) and everything is dry and meaningless. 

Paul said to avoid sexual immorality, everyone should have his own husband and wife (1 Corinthians 7:1-5), but the core idea he is trying to pass across is bonding. 

The premise is that without a healthy sex life, the door to immorality is opened. But we need to understand that what is being taught is that sex is a stand-in for bonding. What you are really looking for is acceptance, a home, a rest, a bond of mutual emotional/earthy fulfillment/delight. That is why there is no sex between Christ and the church (don't have a dirty mind), but there is acceptance, a home, a rest, a bond of mutual delight.

Looking for those things in an un-sanctioned way is the origin of sexual immorality.

But be clear about the fact that sex in your marriage is not enough to prevent sexual immorality; it is not. Paul was using sex as a stand-in for bonding. 

So we need to think of sex as more than just moments of bliss, rather as both the fruit and the means of bonding. To not think of it as a fruit of bonding, will still leave a hole still needing to be filled, and to not see it as a means of bonding is to be self-deceived, deny your physical self.

That is why Paul permits no sex for the period of fasting. That means fasting is about bonding with the Lord. We are sacrificing bonding with our spouse for bonding with the Lord. But since we are not spirits, he said it should be for a brief time. 

That is his call for balance. We need to bond with God (and we can be able to feel what he is feeling) and we need to bond with your spouse (and you share their feeling) too. What if your spouse seems not to be able to share your feelings and seems to think they are invalid and should be disregarded? It is a sign that there is no bond, regardless of the hours of sex. 

So sex is not the be-all and end-all. It can be detached from bonding, from the outflow of bonding, and from having bonding as a goal. 

When those happened, we have a "prostitute situation," in my opinion, even though there is a marriage certificate in the closet. I use the phrase "prostitute situation" to define a state where sex is not regarded as s fruit of bonding and at the same time have bonding as the goal. I am using the word "prostitute" metaphorically. 

So Paul said separation for fasting should be for a time and mentioned self-control. That means there is no excuse for saying I commit sexual immorality because of my wife or my husband depriving me of sex. 

The point I am making is that sex in marriage does not on its own prevent sexual immorality if sex is removed from bonding; and lack of sex in marriage is not an excuse for sexual immorality because we have the fruit of the spirit called self control.

(Again, note that "Have your own husband and have your own wife is more than a certificate," it is bonding) 

We have the spirit of self-control (2 Timothy 1:7), we have the fruit of the spirit self-control (Galatians 5:22-23), and we do not indulge in the flesh. That is why I say that we need to look beyond the language of sex in 1 Corinthians 7 and note that the priority is bonding, and sex is a stand-in for that. Again, it should be the result of bonding and the produces bonding (Genesis 2:24, Deuteronomy 24:5, Proverbs 5:18-19).

Paul said, Let everyone have his own wife and her own husband; that is the language of bonding when we view that passage holistically. So, if you follow the drift of my argument till now, to use that passage as a cudgel to say a woman must have sex with the husband or the husband must have sex with the wife, regardless of anything else, is like sanctioning prostitution (male or female). You are creating a feeling of being used. That is not good.

You cannot bond in an antagonistic atmosphere, a cantankerous atmosphere, in a combative atmosphere, in a fault-finding, complaining atmosphere. Those reflect a tacit rejection of bonding. 

Paul had told us what bonding entails in the previous verse to the focus verse we are exploring. It is valuing others, and not with eye service but really (Philippians 2:1-4), which would include not bad mouthing them behind them, which would signal a rejection of bonding. You are trying to bond with someone else with gossips about your spouse. Don't.

You can reject bonding because it does not add to your social standing, because you are attached to your reputation and you think you are too much for your spouse. Repent!   

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